Emotional & Behavioural Coaching
The Most Powerful – ‘YOU’
If you ’re wondering what exactly is ‘ Emotional &Behavioural ’Coaching then let me ask you a few questions in order to explain it easily …
Do you want more Happiness in your daily Life then you currently experience?
Do you want more Confidence in yourself and your actions?
Do you want to feel Passionate about living instead of just feeling ‘okay ’?
Do you want to Laugh more in your Life?
Do you want to stop feeling Depressed ?
Do you want to stop getting Overwhelmed by events or experiences in your life?
Do you want to manage your Anger so you can control it?
Do you want to handle Disappointment better?
Some people feel nervous / shy in public and want to break out of that.
Some people have FEAR ’S and Phobias of elevators, bridges, snakes, public speaking etc …and want to learn how to manage the situation so they are not out of control.
Some people have a FEAR of Rejection and it massively limits their actions in b usiness and or their personal Life and they want to overcome this barrier.
If any of the above describes you , then this is what Emotional &Behavioural Coaching is .
It is working with a person on the Emotional part of themselves –to make the change desired –in the emotional and behavioural context. It is not a physical or an Intellectual context. It is not about your mind or your personality.
Where Did Your Emotional Responses Come From?
From a multitude of places starting when you were just a baby, you began the process of modelling. When someone around you wanted to reward you for doing something they perceived as good you got a clap and a big cheesy grin from them. If you were doing something potentially dangerous you were instead greeted with a tone of disapproval and a face of fear.
During childhood at school your Emotional linkages were strengthened and also modified, as you had to fit in with all the other kids, competition for attention, approval and significance meant your neuro associations had to shift somewhat. Even the values of the teachers in what they rewarded or punished you for, had its impact on your Emotional linkages.
The workplace or higher education caused another revamp to your conditioning.
In addition well-meaning friends, family members, local community and world events, extreme personal experiences etc… all contributed and continued to mould your Emotional programming all the way to as it stands right now, as you read these words in real time.
As you can see from this very brief description, the clear and scary thing to note is that pretty much all of your current Emotional experience, is nothing but a mix match and miss match of haphazard experiences. Leading to conflicting and tangled connections in your brain leading to a lot of the limitations as described above.
Just like a lot of people, I grew up poor not just in the financial sense, but in the Emotional sense too. However, all of the Successes I now have in my own life, has come from ‘me’ learning to manage and eventually master my own Emotions early on. The reason behind this is that I grew up with major negative Emotional limitations and realised unless I took action to change that, my future life would be dismal. Not being one for handling pain very well, I chose to give this area of life a significant amount of my attention.
I also realised that every other goal I had in all the other contexts of Life, would depend on the Emotional me so to speak. I had no escape in my mind and so I went about learning how to deal with my Emotional limitations and condition myself to have the Emotional responses I would want / chose to have.
The same opportunity now exists for ‘you’ as you, read this.
For many years now I have Coached other people on their Emotional side to help them make the changes they seek too.
The phrase Emotional Coaching is just my way of labelling and thus simplifying, the long list of Emotional based human experiences that you would already otherwise know as, FEAR’S, phobic responses, habits, addictions, good feelings, bad feelings, moods etc…it also encompasses human behaviours and the desire to change them as well. You can ignore my phrase if you like but I think by now you may be beginning to understand what ‘Emotional Coaching’ is, even if you label it differently. Allow me to continue to explain …
Emotions Are the Controlling Force of Your Whole Life
Control them or be Controlled by them – unfortunately there is NO 3rd option here.
What does this mean? Think about it this way – Why are Emotions SO Powerful? …
Ever been in Love!?
Ever been Scared?
Ever been Nervous?
Ever had a full on belly laugh?
Ever Cried?
Ever been Overwhelmed either by a problem or with Joy?
Ever felt over-Confident?
Then you already know how much they affect you.
Compare those experiences above to just having singular thoughts in your head in any moment – we would like to believe that our intellect is what drives us but the reality is – that it IS our Emotions that rule. They control for the most part – our behaviours and thus actions. A thought to do something is not as strong as the ‘urge’ to do something, thinking yourself in to being calm whilst your Heart is beating like the clappers because your scared – is indicative of our Emotions being King.
You may intellectually know that a bridge or a red jumper or a walking in front of a crowd for example is nothing to be scared off yet, you will still uncontrollably react nervously when you are near a bridge, or you suddenly see a red jumper or you are asked to walk in front of the room of people.
An Emotion is E+motion.
Meaning, a thought in your head is void of any other experience at the exact moment you just, have that thought. The moment that thought leads (instantly) to a change in your body’s physiology, such as breathing, stance, movement, facial expressions etc…then your Emotional side has been activated and brought in to play so to speak.
So when energy (a thought / thinking) is combined and connected to motion (body movement) you have what we all know as an Emotion (E+motion).
Intellect is just 1 part of your nervous system. Think of it this way – a thought in your head is only from the neck UP. An Emotion is from the neck DOWN. There’s a whole lot more body mass that way with neurology etc…from this you can see why an Emotion is so strong, controlling and domineering. Intellect is weak in comparison.
FEAR’S and Phobia’s are extreme Emotional reactions to triggers that got set up for a whole host of possible reasons, but objectively the simplest and quickest way to break them is to re-wire the associations in the person’s neurology so the association of say the bridge changes to Calm, Balanced, Centred etc… (states of resourcefulness).
On a more day to day example that will help you to understand, someone who smokes cigarettes ‘knows’ (intellectually) they are very harmful to their Health and they really do want to stop but yet again, they find themselves ‘automatically’ / unable to stop (control) themselves reaching for a cigarette and putting it in their mouth whenever – they feel the states (Emotions) of boredom, stress, overwhelm, confusion, frustration, unhappiness ??? SHOULD BE RED? or whatever the trigger is.
Why? because they are linked up Emotionally to the cigarette, not intellectually. So the change needs itself to be an Emotional intervention.
Just to give you an example of how this might work – talking to Jack about stopping smoking is an intellectual experience and it will likely do Jack sh*t (pardon the pun) however when I get Jack to hold in his physical hands a dead diseased toxic lung that was from a smoker and is black and smells putrefied – then Jack links up on an Emotional level a new association in his nervous system / Emotional side – to what a cigarette MEANS…. get it?!
Your Emotional links to the world / triggers around you (sometimes called anchors in NLP) are what control a large portion of our behaviours.
So if you want to change your behaviour short term, then using will power and positive thinking will do it, however, as you may know from bitter experience, you eventfully go back to the old behaviour – this is because your Emotional associations (not intellectual ones) have not changed.
Your Emotional conditioning, whatever it currently is, will lead you in a very particular direction or destiny in your Life, while there would be natural variation month to month and year to year in your life, unless direct, conscious attention is applied, nothing really changes.
If you have any Emotional based limitation as described above or similar, then you need to understand that if you don’t change it, this limitation will haunt you for the remainder of your days. Alternatively, you can take action to shift this situation from a limiting one – to an empowering one.
It’s ultimately a choice. Remember, there’s no 3rd option.
Your Emotional conditioning does, and will, continue to affect you this moment and every moment till the day you die more than your intellect can, does or will.
It has been said, and I would have to agree, that Emotional Intelligence is the highest level of Intelligence there is.
Emotional intelligence is where your Emotional responses, linkages, conditioning etc…is set up in such a way that it serves and empowers you and brings ‘more’ to your life, versus taking away and shutting down your experience and or bringing you pain.
Emotions Are the Controlling Force of Your Whole Life
Control them or be Controlled by them – unfortunately there is NO 3rd option here.
What does this mean? Think about it this way – Why are Emotions SO Powerful? …
Ever been in Love!?
Ever been Scared?
Ever been Nervous?
Ever had a full on belly laugh?
Ever Cried?
Ever been Overwhelmed either by a problem or with Joy?
Ever felt over-Confident?
Then you already know how much they affect you.
Compare those experiences above to just having singular thoughts in your head in any moment – we would like to believe that our intellect is what drives us but the reality is – that it IS our Emotions that rule. They control for the most part – our behaviours and thus actions. A thought to do something is not as strong as the ‘urge’ to do something, thinking yourself in to being calm whilst your Heart is beating like the clappers because your scared – is indicative of our Emotions being King.
You may intellectually know that a bridge or a red jumper or a walking in front of a crowd for example is nothing to be scared off yet, you will still uncontrollably react nervously when you are near a bridge, or you suddenly see a red jumper or you are asked to walk in front of the room of people.
An Emotion is E+motion.
Meaning, a thought in your head is void of any other experience at the exact moment you just, have that thought. The moment that thought leads (instantly) to a change in your body’s physiology, such as breathing, stance, movement, facial expressions etc…then your Emotional side has been activated and brought in to play so to speak.
So when energy (a thought / thinking) is combined and connected to motion (body movement) you have what we all know as an Emotion (E+motion).
Intellect is just 1 part of your nervous system. Think of it this way – a thought in your head is only from the neck UP. An Emotion is from the neck DOWN. There’s a whole lot more body mass that way with neurology etc…from this you can see why an Emotion is so strong, controlling and domineering. Intellect is weak in comparison.
FEAR’S and Phobia’s are extreme Emotional reactions to triggers that got set up for a whole host of possible reasons, but objectively the simplest and quickest way to break them is to re-wire the associations in the person’s neurology so the association of say the bridge changes to Calm, Balanced, Centred etc… (states of resourcefulness).
On a more day to day example that will help you to understand, someone who smokes cigarettes ‘knows’ (intellectually) they are very harmful to their Health and they really do want to stop but yet again, they find themselves ‘automatically’ / unable to stop (control) themselves reaching for a cigarette and putting it in their mouth whenever – they feel the states (Emotions) of boredom, stress, overwhelm, confusion, frustration, unhappiness ??? SHOULD BE RED? or whatever the trigger is.
Why? because they are linked up Emotionally to the cigarette, not intellectually. So the change needs itself to be an Emotional intervention.
Just to give you an example of how this might work – talking to Jack about stopping smoking is an intellectual experience and it will likely do Jack sh*t (pardon the pun) however when I get Jack to hold in his physical hands a dead diseased toxic lung that was from a smoker and is black and smells putrefied – then Jack links up on an Emotional level a new association in his nervous system / Emotional side – to what a cigarette MEANS…. get it?!
Your Emotional links to the world / triggers around you (sometimes called anchors in NLP) are what control a large portion of our behaviours.
So if you want to change your behaviour short term, then using will power and positive thinking will do it, however, as you may know from bitter experience, you eventfully go back to the old behaviour – this is because your Emotional associations (not intellectual ones) have not changed.
Your Emotional conditioning, whatever it currently is, will lead you in a very particular direction or destiny in your Life, while there would be natural variation month to month and year to year in your life, unless direct, conscious attention is applied, nothing really changes.
If you have any Emotional based limitation as described above or similar, then you need to understand that if you don’t change it, this limitation will haunt you for the remainder of your days. Alternatively, you can take action to shift this situation from a limiting one – to an empowering one.
It’s ultimately a choice. Remember, there’s no 3rd option.
Your Emotional conditioning does, and will, continue to affect you this moment and every moment till the day you die more than your intellect can, does or will.
It has been said, and I would have to agree, that Emotional Intelligence is the highest level of Intelligence there is.
Emotional intelligence is where your Emotional responses, linkages, conditioning etc…is set up in such a way that it serves and empowers you and brings ‘more’ to your life, versus taking away and shutting down your experience and or bringing you pain.